On tears and masculinity.

Ever made a boy cry?

I've made five men cry. Not just boys: men. It's possibly the most heartbreaking thing you can ever witness. Because when men cry, it's because their whole world has fallen apart in one hideous sweep and they feel the emptiness and power in all their emotions at the same time.

Women cry all the time. Part of the inbuilt over-emotional processing mechanism I guess. I am actually so sick of crying lately. I cry every few weeks usually, but recently that's become even more regular (annoyingly so). Now that may sound like a lot, but it's actually nothing in female terms. Most girls cry every second day. They freak out about every little incident that happens in their lives and let the tears roll, a little like a pressure system - a little gets let out to reduce the pressure. 

Most of the time I'm pretty strong, but I'm openly passionate and emotional. Sometimes I cry not because things are bad, but because things are good. For example, my super-talented housemate made a film for someone's wedding. When I watched it, the music crescendo towards the final scene progressed into a slow motion shot of the bride smiling blissfully into the camera and then folding into her new husband's arms as the image blacked out. I thought it had been done so professionally, tastefully and artistically that I literally felt the feelings swell inside myself until two tears rolled gracefully and silently down my cheek. 

I think my housemate felt pretty chuffed that he'd done a good job, judging from my reaction.  It had the ultimate effect.

So crying is not all bad crying. Sometimes it's ecstatic crying, it's massive tears of joy because you haven't seen someone for so long, or how about my favourite kind of tears - the rolling on the floor laughter that makes you feel totally high. 

The sadness tears are the worst. The I-miss-you tears. The I've-fucked-up tears. The I'm-a-worthless-piece-of-shit tears.

But what about man-crying?

I made my male best friend cry once. Actually I think I've made this person cry several times. 

My boss let a few tears slip when I left my work last year. It took everyone by surprise and it was in the middle of a speech he made for me. I have never felt so loved. Coincidentally, I felt perfectly at home when I arrived at my new workplace this year and found out that my new boss is perfectly ok with the man-cry. He claims he does it all the time.

Two men have cried when I have ended a relationship with them. There's just not a lot more I can say on that topic. I just don't want to think about it anymore. 

But the worst person to see cry, is your dad. 

Dad cried with me earlier this year. His heart had broken for me. Daddy's little girl. How much it made me gasp and choke on my own tears as I watched my father heave in pain and stumble over his words in a manly mess.

A lot of men tell me they don't like crying. They like bottling. It's unmanly to cry. Crying doesn't solve things.

But crying is sometimes like a free counselling session. You get all your negativity out, like a tap draining out all the shitty stuff you have inside. There's an intensity of emotion and then a sudden sense of relief, or sedation, or just... nothing. The feelings have gone. You can breathe again.

A friend once told me about a date she went on, in which the bloke started crying when telling a tragic story halfway through. Harshly enough, she didn't date him again. She felt that there was a lack of masculinity on his behalf... [it felt like she was dating herself]. 

I agree that it was a little too soon for the waterworks. It's pretty confronting seeing a guy cry, and I doubt it would make for a relaxed date afterwards. 

But long term... to watch a man hold back his feelings for so long, to only see a skerrick of their fears and desires every now and then when drunk and uninhibited... 

It sounds a bit sadistic, but what an artwork it is to see a man cry that you know and love.

It's not about seeing a man crumble. It's about seeing a man's true self. How incredibly attractive, to see that a man you know and love has a real heart that beats and resides with passion and feeling - and that he is man enough to live up to his truths.